this blackberry lovin' maniac

remembering this week of my life last year is pretty bitter-sweet. sometimes more bitter than sweet. i often refer to it as "hell week" because in many ways, the many ways leading up to evelyn's actual arrival, was nothing less than one of the worst experiences i've ever endured. i hear about many women who have absolutely wonderful birthing experiences and recovery periods and that they look fondly upon that time of their life. i have a tendency to disbelieve such stories just because mine was so disappointing. there are many things about the week that led up to evelyn's birth that still upset me to this day. it is easy to say, "i wish i had done this differently, trusted my body more, listened to the drs insisting i be induced less..." but despite all that i felt went wrong, and most of it went wrong, i did get to go home (eventually, and after being admitted 3 separate times on 3 separate days) with a blue eyed, pale skinned, bald little baby girl. and because of that i am one of the lucky ones, one of the blessed- beyond-measure ones, and for that i am thankful.

i belive God intends for us to learn from the things in our life. He also allows us to experience the things we do for reasons....sometimes for reasons we may never understand while we walk this earth. i'm not sure why i had to go through what i did and feel bereft of memories i should have had because i ended up having a c-section, and was so doped up i couldn't remember the night evelyn was born. everone else seems to have memories of her birth night but i don't. my memory is not having memory. but i am blessed to have a husband who can help me fill in the gaps. and he does...quite often.

i know how cliche it is to say, "it was worth everything i went through." i don't like being cliche and have a tendency to dodge behind the bushes when cliche is walking toward me. but it was worth it. every bit of it.

and in two days we will have a one-year-old blackberry lovin' maniac. happy birthday, mo. we just love ya.